1. Fat people are hard to kidnap

2. If your happy, you just haven't noticed the poop on your shoe

3. Pink insolation is not cotton-candy

4. Never swim naked around sea-urchins

5. You're more likely to get shot if running from a fat cop

6. Money can’t buy happiness, but it dulls the pain if misery

7. Never barf when wearing a gas-mask

8. When you take a bath, you take one for the team

9. Always shave before visiting a Velcro store - accidents happen